You gotta reaction

I tried...I failed. I am tres discouraged in myself. I am weak, I am meek, I suck.
Couldn't even go one day being "broken up" or "on break" I wasn't wrong and I know it, but he made me feel that I was. That everything I did was wrong...ugh.

I wasn't wrong. There were no better solutions. [[light bulb]] drifting apart anyone? No, tried and failed that too. Not with him...but with Ray. Actually, I tried making Ray hate me, and I definatly don't want to do that with Kidder.

So at this point, we're still together, and if I still feel this way in a month or so, it's OVER. Period, dot the i's and cross the t's. O.V.E.R.
I swear...right?

I wasn't wrong...I wasn't. I WAS NOT WRONG.
was I wrong?

On the + side, I spent a really G O O D day with Kaitlin LeBlanc yesterday...as skeptical as I was to go with the girl formerly known as "psycho bitch" it turned out REALLY good and fun.
Despite her constant cursing and big mouth =)
We : went to the mall [[got glasses]], went to BAM [[admired various sex books, found out she was a virgin]], got our nails done...and saw The Eye [[which was awesome]] and all in all, had FUN. I actually will keep in touch this time.

Filed nails and painted them purple, feel much better about them. Feel fat but didn't gain weight, listened to Tainted Love and related [[ugh]] talked to Kidder and felt...strange. Listening to Smells Like Teen Spirit and can't understand a damn word...and yet Kurt Cobain was one of the most famous "troubled souls" on this planet...he sings like he has a mouth full of marbles.

Watched Alfred Hitchcock presents...Psycho. Creeped me out a tad, maybe because I'm reading about Ed Gein, the real life american Psycho. Ate bread pudding.

"Did I call you last night?" "yeah, told me you loved me" "and you said it back right?" "...yeah" "good it wasn't a dream" someone save me from my relationship. I'm only 15, I shouldn't be in this situation, I should be more mature...I feel, dare I say it, my own age.

I need to shower, but my lights are burned out, and I don't like the dark. It's funny to type with nails. Feels strange.
I'm done for now. Thanks.