When the stars go blue

I can't help but question if I did the right thing. I did - for him. I didn't - for myself.
I couldn't help it. He was so sad, so sweet, so miserable without me. How could I do that to a person? How could I sit there and listen to him tell of how he's nothing without me. How could I just leave as I watched the tears fall from his eyes. How could I go when he's done so much to make me stay?

I didn't take him back, but I did tell him that I may - one day. And he's SO happy for just that. That one little ray of hope. Of second chances. I don't want to be with him though, but part of me does. Part of seeing him today just tugged at my heartstrings and I know there's still something there. Something inside of me loves him still and wants to be his again. Not anytime soon though.

He thinks he raped me. And who knows - maybe he did. Because we both know that I wasn't ready, we know that he pretty much forced me into it even after I said no. And isn't that what rape is? But I loved him at the time, and I did it to make him happy. Even if he does think he did, I know he didn't.

"Please don't kiss any other guys" Did NOT fall for that one. I did say that I wouldn't date him though. And I won't. But I can kiss him and love up on him as much as I please. I told Alexx - "sorry, but I'd rather tell you the truth now than later"

You know I'm just a fool for you. He's sorry he didn't kill Jeffery. I'm happy he didn't. "Please don't peirce your tongue" He thought about it. Right after the party. He had a lot of crazy ideas. All for me. I am NOT worth it. I wish he would see.

He tells me all these things he would do for me, all the things he's willing to change. He shouldn't have to change a thing. I wish he would find another girl to love. He says there no one else. In a world of like 3 billion people, there's no one else. I wish he would move on.

I wish I knew what to do...I want to be with Jeffery right now...