I am not looking FORWARD to next weekend...I am not looking FORWARD to spending time with a bunch of loud and silly girls and one BITCH that I honestly cannot even tolerate looking at. Also...one weird Foster wanna be. Be my salvation Laura Lie...but I can't fight the feeling that you will make things even worse. Perhaps I'm being too much of a downer.

I'm growing fonder and fonder of Green. He's easy to talk to and easy to trust...he's going to corrupt me, you see. Lovely talks of drugs and music - I hate Nirvana - and he hates me for that. Totally hit that. His truck smells nice...he smells nice. I have a crush on Jordan Green. Oh well, it's only a crush. No shame.

"Krysten is on the road to becoming a crazy bitch" It's RICO!!!! How can you be so head over heels for Rico? Poor Child...very teenager. Oh well...you'll get over it. In the mean time I'm here to listen, laugh, and roll my eyes.

Being single is what I'm MADE for. Random kissing and walk off home runs...parties and no guilt. "Ani't no shame in my game" but don't expect me to bang seven guys in one night (cough - Ally - cough) I get what I want...

"I think even Drey has standards."
-"What standards?"
"Nothing over 300 pounds that resembles a bull elephant"
But that's mean to elephants... I've never hated anyone so much in my entire life, not even the man that killed my own mother. I think I could actually take a bat to her fat face and bash her skull in and feel no remorse. Which is how I plan on handling the three continuous days of dealing with her - imaging all the wonderous ways I can cause her extreme amounts of prolonged agony. I am indeed a wretched girl. But she's worse...she deserves everything that's coming to her. Karma is already fighting back...she's gained 20+ pounds from her birth control shots...which are pointless - because honestly - who's going to have sex with that thing?
I'm going to kill her one day.

Enough of that...I plan on being perfectly calm and enjoying my time. I can handle the trip...headphones and texting will keep me sane. Huber, Ethan, Kidder and Jeffery - will keep me sane. Loud music and happy thoughts - will drown her out and keep me sane.

I have made a decision to be nice to Alexander...not overly nice to where I'm leading him on, just nice, like I am to Gage or something. I hate when I'm mean to him - because, well...I'm being so mean. But I hate myself when I'm nice to him - because I feel that I'm leading him on. We will never be together again. But he won't come out of his stupid fantasy land and face the reality of the situation. And on top of it all - he has HEART problems now!!! At 19. It's partly my fault, no matter how much we will try to deny it.
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder it's called - and it's partly my fault. I hate that he puts so much on my shoulders. He has to make things right he says...why can't he make them right as my friend? It's a stupid method of getting back with me. I'll never be happy with him again - and he says he can't be happy without me. So it's a lose - lose situation. He needs to move on...but he's so fucking stupid that he says that he can never be happy with anyone else but me. And I hate him for that. Part of me - an extremely small percent - just wishes he would die. I hate myself for that, but it just seems like it would make things so much easier. I don't want him to die - I just want him out of my life...
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference."

Going see Horton today - for the second time. But with Krysten this time. Oh well...it was cute. I can sit through it again. Then I'll probably see it a third time with Kidder...I can do that. Headphones...right ?

Walmart Parking Lot...good song. I miss Ethan. I miss Green. I miss straightening my hair and doing my make up - since I haven't done that in a week or so...shocking no?
It's only 10 : 37 am on Monday - the first day of Easter vacation...