Raise your hands

It's tyme to fight...not realloy, but it IS time to write. So much has happened these last few days. I guess I'll start with Alexx. We've been together over 6 months now, and I love him. I honestly do. Sometimes I wonder why I put up with him and his aggorgant, annoying, and downright stupidity...but then I think about what my life, what HIS life would be like if we weren't together. And I hate it. I can't even bare to think about it. We fight, but for the past few days things have been wonderful [[knock wood]] It's like I'm falling for him all over again. It doesn't feel like 6 months, everything feels new again, and sometimes it's feels like we've been together for years.

Shelby FUCKED Huber...she says. I believe, but don't want to. IF she did it makes her nothing more than a hypocrate, the fact that she did the very thing she told me not to do...she said she wouldn't have sex with someone she didn't love, and when she did, she wanted to be COMPLETLY naked. She did the thing I did that made her call me a slut. At least I was dating Alexx, at least he didn't have a girlfriend at the time. Home wrecker. I love you Shelby Nicole, but you are a hypocrate now. You weren't naked, you do not love Joey, and not only that, but he had a girlfriend at the time. I guess that makes him a worse person than you. I feel justified.

My FFA speech is FINALLY over!!! I went to UL and DID NOT PLACE, that means it's done. Hahaha!!!! I'm so incredibly happy about that. I stressed and screamed and HATED doing that speech with a PASSION. But now it's over. And in a few short days, the FCCLA one will be over too. I have to dress up like a clown...At first, I hated the idea, I wanted to kick and scream and refuse. But I didn't. I suxked it up and now it doesn't even matter, it gives me incentive to act retarted.

I wish I could be anorexic, I wish I had the will power...I wish I could actually lose weight the right way, a way that won't kill me or damage me. I try, sometimes...I just want to be thin, not super thin, a size 7 or 5. People tell me they love me the way I am, but the thing is, I don't love me the way I am. I love myself, I just want to buy cute clothes and look cute in them.

When I first met Joey Huber, I didn't mind him, he seemed friendly enough. Then he grew into an asshole and I grew to hate him. Now I'm growing more and more fond of him again...maybe because I want him to like me more than he liked Shelby.

When I first met Jordan Greene I LOATHED him with a passion, I hated everything about him, and he hated me. It was a mutal hatred. Now I find myself becoming more attached to Jordan, actually feeling empathy for him. I'm becoming quite fond of his cynical attitude, his sarcatic ways, his silly QuicksilVER jacket. It's odd, hating someone so much and then actually caring about them...strange indeed.

When I first met Drey I clicked with him instantly. We bonded and such...he was an awesome kid. I hate him now. I hate everything about Drey Michael Cantrelle. His stupidity, his personality. Every fiber of his being. If Drey Cantrelle hung himself in front of me, I would giggle and prance away. That is how much I hate him. I want to cause him pain and suffering. I want him to contract cancer and just die, no...people have pity when you have cancer...I want him to become a leper, not just a social leper like he is now...a leper... I want everyone to hate him like I do. We're close, because most people hate him anyway =)

Victoria Ferman, or Victoria Vermin as she should be called. She's never done anything to me personally...I just hate her. No reason, just do. =)

I was going to go to a party tonight...at "The Site" but I've changed my mind. It's not worth it. The cops are going to show up and bust it up anyway. Besides, as much as I love all the Bunkie kids, I do NOT love them drunk. I prefer just to stay home and relax. Sure, I may regret not going, but I'll survive. There will be other parties.

Shelby is irritated with me...and I don't care. If she didn't want me to make comments about her sleeping with Huber she should not have told me... I got mad at Laura for the fist time ever the other day, but I got over it quickly.

I should work on my English assignment, but I can do that later. It is a three day weekend after all.
I want to be better, I want my teachers to respect me, I want to be a better student, I want to UNDERSTAND geometry, and pull my grade up. I want a B...I know I probably cannot get an A...but I want at least a B...and dammit I'm going to TRY. I'm going to study and WERP and ask questions and PAY ATTENTION. Even if it kills me...

My boyfriend took the pussy way out. That's right, he quit school. So many excuses..."No one likes me, I have no friends." "I wasn't passing anyway." "I can work more now" Stupid boy who isn't stupid, just lazy. And I still can't bring myself to hate him or leave him. But I did lecture the hell out of him...it did no good.

I love my dad very much, but lately he is just annoying the hell out of me. We fight and I'm irritated with him and I do not like it. I'm gonna try and be a better person to him too.

Wish me luck.

Wow, it feels great to write again.