I finally

Got what I wanted...right? I wanted him to admit that he'd fight for me, that he really does love me. That I actually made him JEALOUS. He doesn't like me talking to Jeffery but he says he won't ask me to stop, he's threatened. He "needs" me, "Please don't leave me. Please don't go" and I don't, and I won't, right now.



And I tell him maybe he should try showing that he loves me a little more through the little things. Things that don't cost money...open the door for me, brush the hair out of my face and say you love me, send me text messages calling me beautiful. And he does...and I wonder; "How long will this new, improved, sweet boy last?" "Until you do something stupid again." Whoops...guess I won't be doing that again huh?



He blames himself for me cheating. He shouldn't, it wasn't his fault, he didn't do anything. He justs wants to justify my cheating. And he admits to that, but, like me, he will lie to himself so much...eventually he'll believe it. This is his reason why he didn't come over and stop me.



He didn't want me to make a scene. He didn't want to make a scene. He was afraid of what I'd do or say. He was afraid I'd leave him in front of all those people. He didn't want to be embarrassed. He didn't want to hurt Jeffery. He didn't want to remember it after that night.

HE WAS AFRAID

And that's fine. Everyone gets scared sometimes. After he saw me kissing Jeffery he just wanted to get drunk, he wanted to get so drunk he wouldn't remember what I did to him. How could I do that? After yesterday I question myself again; "How could I hurt such a wonderful person? Someone that loves me so much and would do almost anything for me? What kind of girl am I?" My answer; I don't know. I honestly have no idea.

And part of me STILL manages to be confused. To even CONTEMPLATE being with someone other than Alexx. ERG. I won't, I can't, I don't leave him for the arms of another. No matter how sweet he may seem, how funny or cute...I don't love him. I like him, yes, that I cannot deny. But I will NOT ruin the best thing to ever happen to me, to him, to us.