Here again

Listening to Taylor Swift and texting the boy he doesn't like me talking to about things he doesn't like me talking about. Oh well...he knows I do it anyway. I am not his puppy, I am not on a leash. It's my life...he's my friend, and he knows I'm not going to stop talking to him. I should, a good girlfriend would respect her boyfriends' wishes...guess I'm not that good.

He's sweet and fun to talk to...I'm not going to leave Alexx for him and Jeffery knows that. He's going to find a girlfriend...he's hot. It'll be easy for him. "I guess I'll have to find a girl I don't like as much as you to be my girlfriend" he said...see? He's not a threat. I admit, I thought he was for a while...but I love Alexx. I do.

I'm 15. I know that chances are, this won't last forever, but every now and again there's a couple that beats the odds...right? Next year he'll be in college...that's my fear. He's moving on to bigger and better things. By this time next year I may be old news. Last years model. [[sigh]] This is lifes' curve ball...and I quit softball .

My brother got married...2 down, 3 to go. I like Lydia, she's sweet...and really quite gorgeous. But the wedding SUCKED. The preachers went on and on about crap. How the woman should respect everything her husband does because he's her "spiritual head" and that she needs to do this and this for him and blah blah blah...I wanted to shoot the preacher in the face. I texted the whole time...Thanks Jeffery and Alexx, you guys saved me. I do not want a huge wedding, something simple is fine with me. Eloping seems fantastic right now...

I miss Dylan again, I thought about the first time we met. We clicked so fast...I've never had that before. And he was so sweet. It amazes me that God created someone so wonderful...or that a person like that exsists. Too bad he's gay =)
Maybe that's a good thing, I can't corrupt him like I have a tendancy to do...wait, maybe I already did. Whoops. Haha. I love him so much. No matter where I go in life, I doubt I'll forget him. We go to different schools but still...

I've been thinking about the future and I've realized something...it scares the hell out of me. It shouldn't, everyone grows up and moves on...it can't be that bad. But I just think; what happens when I go to college and leave all my friends behind? Will I make new ones? Good ones? Will I be alright? And what happens when I start my career and get married? Will I even want kids...? Homeless people, with the exception of being hungry, homeless, and having to brace the harshness of weather, seem to have it made. They don't worry about failing out of high school and maintaining a career...way to go homeless bums. You guys are the true American Dream.

Anyway...I guess that's it. Party tonight...not going. I'm not trusted, and I don't really want to go...I just want something to do...someone to do. Ha!