Alcohol

I hate alcohol...I hate being drunk. I hate not knowing what's going on. I hate the way it tastes and I hate the way it makes me act.

I am straightedge from here on out. 100% No drugs, no cigarettes, no ALCOHOL. Not that I did any of that before anyway.

The Story: My first time being drunk. Last night. Jenn's reception. 10-23-07. Age 15. Young? You bet...but older than most. Started off slow...one beer...a swig of Jack and coke here and there. [[nasty]] Until I decided I wanted to get trashed...just once, see what it was really like. It felt just like it sounds, trashy. I gulped down wine after wine, ate crackers to fill my stomache. I think the reason I got so drunk so fast is because my tummy was empty.

"Am I drunk?" I didn't even know, never having drunk before. Stumbling around...dancing with Brandon...couldn't stay up in my seat. Stupid teenage boys. "How can you be drunk without a beer in your hand?" "Have another." "Your not drunk yet." Bull...mean people. At least I knew when to stop and not accept anymore. Plus, beer is nasty.

I walk outside with Brittany, my blanket, my safe person, although she's well on her way to being drunk herself. I hug a pole to keep my balence. Stupid boys follow outside. Jordan Pervis wanted a kiss..."No, I'm dating Kidder" He kisses me anyway [[I think]] He's a BAD kisser...
"Yo he wants to fuck" Who's he? "No I will not have sex with him. I'm dating KIDDER" I don't.
Note: Alcohol did NOT make these boys attractive. To make matters worse there were TWO SETS OF TWINS!!! "Your [[name]] I know that" "No I'm [[other name]]" Dammit...I give up.

I stumble inside..."Who brought me in here?" Laughter..."She's drunk" Yeah, I am. It's apparant to me at this point. Some girl "Will you dance with me?" "Me? Sure, okay" We dance...I'm supposedly staring into space during this...I think I kissed Lori, not a tongue-swapping thing...just a peck. "Someone call my daddy" Not until she's sober. I call...I'm ready to leave that place...those drinks. Carlos calls out "Bye, cutie"...Shadow haha

I get home...stumble to my room. Fall. Knock over my mirror. Finally undress and fall on my bed. Hurl...get it up Natale. Brutus rids me of most of it. Wakes me up at 5. I feel better, not good, but better. I text Kidder...he calls. I tell my story. He says I'm still a little toasted...the room starts spinning. I go back to sleep. Wake up at 8. Oh my, I have to meet the family today. I can't be hung-over for that...All is well. I just feel a little ill.

My body betrays me...I stumble and tilt and my knees are weak. My mind is blurry. I think "I'm sober, I'm fine" I'm neither. I am impaired mentally and physically. Alcohol is a horrible invention. I hate it. I will not be my mother, I will not solve my problems by fucking up my body and mind. I may not respect much, but I respect myself. I have a future, and alcohol is not a part of it.