Somedays

It's just like, fuck this. Today was one of those. I'm just tired of people. I want some time by myself. No friends, no Kidder, no dad, no Flooble. Just Natalie. Time to chill and rest and be happy. To take crappy pictures and cry, to be sad without judgement. To laugh and jump and dance without people staring at me.

I want to be seen as mature, but I want to be a kid, if only for a little while. For some reason there is no balence...no happy middle.

I'm sick of caring, but I can't stop. I don't want to be upset when he makes a bad grade or is out of gas. I can't keep saving him, giving him money. He's a big boy, he needs to care for himself. I can't stop caring...is this love? Is this infatuation? It isn't lust, that's for sure...it's...something. You anger me of much, so often...and yet I can't stay mad. You do stupid things that could get you hurt...why? Your so smart, so lazy. Don't end up like them, get out while you still can. Don't stay for me...I'll be out soon. Don't stay for them....they will too. Grow up, get out, save yourself.

I really hate Mr. Wilibur. He's a P.E. teacher for crying out loud. Where does he get off calling up chubby and immature? What Willie? Couldn't face growing up and getting out? Did you love school SO much you just wanted to stay there for the rest of your life? Or are you just so pathetic you couldn't handle a real job? Me grow up? No, I'm only 15...I have a little while longer to enjoy being a kid, laughing and lieing in the grass...how 'bout you grow up and get the heck outta dodge. Wait...it's too late for you isn't it? Oh...how sad.

The impossible has occured. I got mad at her. She just...got on my nerves. I'm sick of her always seeming happy, always trying to stay perky, for being so two faced. For harboring everything then letting it get to her. For never saying [[to anyone other than a select few]] "Shut up, go away, NO." For never speaking her mind to her sister, mother, father. For holding it in and spilling it everywhere later. For putting up with the things they do, for keeping mum and never doing wrong. Stop it. Tell her how you feel, forget the consequences and just do it. Let them know that you are a human, not only that, but a teenager nonetheless. Let them know you can do wrong, get angry, tell them how you feel...stop trying to make up for her mistakes. Make your own. BE A HUMAN BEING. Little Miss [[no so]] Perfect.

As for you, stop bring me down, calling me fat when your bigger than I am. Where do you get off? Yes, I'm a fat kid, I know. I don't need my "best friend" to remind me alright? So just STFU.