Am I kidding Kidder?

The guy I'm currently dating is near perfect, everything I've ever wanted. Just a little too sexual...yes I know...me saying someone is too sexual. Whatever. He's sweet, funny, kind, caring, warm, kinda cute, okay kisser, into music...

So things are moving really fast...and I feel okay about it. I'm just thinking a lot...what if perfect isn't what I want? I've already given him head twice [[I'm no good at it]] we kiss and cuddle constantly...but he's just so touchy feely. Plus he's 18...so I can't tell my dad [[who thinks he's 16]] so we have to sneak around, and I know this sounds weird...but I don't like lying to my dad so much. I mean after "The Dillards Incident" I just want his trust back...and I seriously doubt dating an 18 year old is going to help.

But I really, really like Kidder. I love him actually. But he's starting to make me nervous, he says he wants to spend the rest of his life with me...and I [[being me]] know that's not gonna happen...unless a mirical occurs. I mean he's a senior this year, he'll be going off to college soon, and I'm in high school...everyone knows the kinda stuff that happens there. Then I'll being going off to college. Where you meet tons of new people, and I just don't feel like I'm ready for such a commited relationship. But with Kidder I think I can. It's just my dad really...and the fact that it's ILLEGAL. That R E A L L Y bothers me. I don't want anything bad to happen to him.

He makes me happy, honest he does. And everything just seems perfect. But it's like a book I read once...[[I can't think of the name]] but the girl has the perfect boyfriend, the perfect life, great friends...but she doesn't want perfect anymore. I'm not saying I don't love him, and I want to be with him for a really long time...I just...I don't even know. I love him...tomorrow I'm telling him we need to slow down though. I will keep things under control. I won't let him become just another name on The Legacy.

I would have type this on myspace...but this is more personal...people I know won't read this here. Plus this site is killer, it saves what I'm typing so I don't lose it!!! I can't tell you how much crap I've lost cause of myspazzes stupid technical errors. Well I think that's all I have to say...I'm tired.